I gave birth to myself.
On a day prior to the invention of dates (which wasn't invented until I was 12 which was the age in which I invented dates) I dragged myself out of the womb of The Earth with nothing more than my umbilical cord as a rope. Since ropes weren't conceived until I was 10 when I was playing in the backyard of my mediocre and retarded friend, Jesus Christ. Who would grow up to be well-known as that Jewish guy who was nailed harder than a passed out undergraduate on a Missouri college campus to a cross, an invention that I ironically created. But, back to the story, I dragged myself using the shared flesh as my glistening